June 10-11, 2006

Big Bang Theory

Suffering from culture shock after a day spent in the wild, my husband and I decided that our only hope of recovery would be found at the Ho Chunk Casino. After promising that we’d only be gone for an hour or so, every member of the family not responsible for a young child decided to join us. Oddly, that was all the men.

Wilderness offered free casino shuttle service, so we marched down to the pick up point and were off. Noting that the day spent in the great outdoors had left me slightly parched, I made for the nearest cocktail lounge. Not unsurprisingly, the boys followed. Cocktails securely in hand, we split off to seek out our favorite games. Walter and Kevin made for the nearest blackjack table, Scott and George found some fun slot machines, and I began my desperate search for a video poker machine that was ready to give it up. Several hours, cocktails, and $60 later, the boys and I regrouped. We had all lost too much, drank too much, and with the exception of my husband were most likely in trouble with our wives. We boarded the shuttle for Wilderness and a good nights sleep. Before Wilderness, however, the shuttle stopped at yet another fabulous water park resort. As the guest stepped off the bus the door of the shuttle promptly exploded. This caused major concern among the other passengers and the bus driver, who claimed that he could not continue to drive a bus that had exploding parts. After consulting with the concierge of the hotel, the driver determined that it would be an hour before the next bus came along. We reasoned that the exploding door was a sign from God to have another cocktail and made for the nearest lounge. An hour later we approached the concierge to discover that we’d missed the last bus of the evening. As far as we could determine, another cocktail could solve that little problem and back to the lounge we went. Just as our drinks were delivered, the concierge raced into the bar to tell us that there was, in fact, another bus ready and waiting to take us back to our hotel. Torn with the dilemma of either really missing the last bus of the evening or abandoning our drinks, we determined that the driver wouldn’t notice five drunks with cocktails hidden under their shirts. He didn’t, and moments later we were back in the wild. It was two a.m. Boy were our wives mad.